


Pots & Pans

by orphan_account



Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Chefs, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Humor, If you're on mobile I recommend reading on PC if u can im sorry, Lowkey Crackfic, M/M, No beta we die like mne, Rivalry, Romantic Comedy, Ryan and Shane are top rated Chefs, Secret Relationship, Tension, Twitter, attempted humor, minor fluff, social media format, usernames are returnees from Flower Crowns and Photographs ;), with a perceived rivalry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-09
Updated: 2020-08-09
Packaged: 2021-03-05 20:35:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,255
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25811428
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: RyanBergara [✓] 5hr@chefsbergaraTune in to our channel on Saturday August8th at 10AM PST! It’s the crossover you’ve all beenasking for! @mrmadejbabyyy will be featuring in theshow!5:03PM July 29, 2020 Twitter for IPhone
Relationships: Ryan Bergara/Shane Madej
Comments: 11
Kudos: 90





	Pots & Pans

**Author's Note:**

> Im back at it again with the social media AU's.  
> 
> 
> ### ATTENTION MOBILE READERS: I KNOW THE FORMAT IS FUCKED 😔 IM REALLY SORRY ABOUT THAT
> 
> This time, it's cooks. Not a continuation to Flower Crowns & Photographs unfortunately, and not as lengthy, but I hope yall enjoy. I started this on a whim tbh bc I've kind of got writers block (and of course, I'm procrastinating on HW again.)
> 
> Again, hope yall enjoy. My skin and organs are boiling as we speak.

RyanBergara [ ✓] 5hr

@chefsbergara

Tune in to our channel on Saturday August

8th at 10AM PST! It’s the crossover you’ve all been

asking for! @mrmadejbabyyy will be featuring in the

show! 

5:03PM July 29, 2020 Twitter for IPhone

—————————— 

Barbeque Sauce On My Tits

@xthrockmortonx replying to @chefsbergara

OH MY GOD

ARE YALL FINALLY GONNA HAVE A COOKOFF

Cant wait to watch Ryan kick Shane’s ass

The OG Gold Digger

@RickyGWorth93 

Take that back bitch

Barbeque Sauce On My Tits

@xthrockmortonx

You’re on crack cocaine if you think Madej

stands a chance against Ryan, have you seen

Ryan’s fucking arms

The OG Gold Digger

@RickyGWorth93

What correlation does arms have with

cooking skill

Barbeque Sauce On My Tits

@xthrockmortonx

Nothing, I just needed an excuse to thirst

The OG Gold Digger

@RickyGWorth93 

Felt that tho

Y4NK33WN0BR1M

@fourthreetwofuckyou replying to @chefsbergara

Oh shit oh shit oh shit i literally can’t fucking wait

The OG Gold Digger

@RickyGWorth93 replying to @chefsbergara

If Shane doesn’t hold an ingredient out of Ryan’s

reach until Ryan has to nicely ask him to hand it over

then i dont want it

SCP173 has Cake

@lilianvc 

Keep ur height kink to ur Madej Thirst blog on 

Tumblr pls

The OG Gold Digger

@RickyGWorth93

I don’t know what you’re talking about.

I’m Here for the Cult Stuff

@cult_wise 

Sure you don’t tumblr user D***yM***j

The OG Gold Digger

@RickyGWorth93 

How do I delete someone else’s tweet

Laurita

@sweethoneyicedtea

Ok but how do you have capital letters in ur

username

The OG Gold Digger

@RickyGWorth93

Money gets you places

whomstveyalldve

@lucrativelassos replying to @chefsbergara

This could go in so many directions but like

Madej literally only specializes in European cuisine

while Bergara has specializes in East Asian AND

Mesoamerican cuisine

Not to mention Madej has had so much screen time

Bergara could destroy him if he knows what tricks

to pull

Step on me Kakashi

@kakashimyhusband

do u think europe is just one collective culture???

Im-

Fuck Your Chicken Strips

@sapphoswife

don’t bother trying to teach them, they’ll probably

say smthn stupid like Irish and British ppl r the same

Im Your Chicken Strips

@x._angie_.x replying to @chefbergara

Day 249 of asking @chefbergara to show feet

Fuck Your Chicken Strips

@sapphoswife 

Starting to think you don’t love your

girlfriend anymore and that im dating

a foot fetishist

Shane Madej [ ✓]

@mrmadejbabyyy 

No kinkshaming

Shane Madej [ ✓]

@mrmadejbabyyy

Also, not happening.

Fuck Your Chicken Strips

@sapphoswife

ASFLAKSDLAJSDAJSDLSK

Im Your Chicken Strips

@x._angie_.x

IM-

Zach Kornfeld [ ✓]

@korndiddy replying to @chefsbergara

Crawled out of my cave in the floor just to find that

you two are gonna bait us, im disappointed Ryan :(

Ryan Bergara [ ✓] 

@chefsbergara

keep waiting

ATLA for Life

@kimothy

Mood, Zach. Mood.

God

@god replying to @chefsbergara

This battle will bring about the destruction of humanity

Eugene Lee Yang [ ✓]

@EugeneLeeYang

Win win situation

Quinta Brunson [ ✓]

@quintillionfingerdeathpunch replying to @chefsbergara

When will you and @mrmadejbabyyy finally have a showdown

against @hoopinrubin and I

Shane Madej [ ✓]

@mrmadejbabyyy

do you think we have death wishes

Ryan Bergara [ ✓]

@chefsbergara

I mean, we kind of do

MaryJoana

@42069forthesoul replying to @chefsbergara

Oh god i can see it already

Madej’s an aggressive flirt and witty

Bergara’s arms…speak for themself and he can crack hella jokes

@god might be right, this COULD kill us all

Mike Literus

@plantdaddyxavier replying to @chefsbergara

Bringing this back

[Picture Description : The photo is from both Shane and Ryan’s

younger days. Ryan is a guest judge on a cooking competition

show. Shane is placing the dish in front of Ryan with a smug

smirk, looming over Ryan who has to look almost entirely up to

glare at Shane. The tension in the photo alone is overwhelming.]

IF YOU LIKE PINA COLADA

@jacktastrophe

Doing god's work

The OG Gold Digger

@RickyGWorth93

Aksfjlakfaksdkad

Keith Habersberger [ ✓]

@habersbergerhamburger replying to @chefsbergara

,,,if yall need any,,, i could always,,, supply,,, some of my,,,

hot sauce,,, <.<

Ryan Bergara [ ✓]

@chefsbegrara

stop trying to plug your fucking hot sauce on my

tweets was buying it not enough to sate you

Keith Habersberger [ ✓]

@habersbergerhamburger

N e ve r

Eugene Lee Yang [ ✓]

@EugeneLeeYang

You bought it?

You’ve basically sold your soul to him

Shane Madej [ ✓]

@mrmadejbabyyy

no he didnt

he’s eaten my food b4

his soul belongs to me

im not called ‘The Hades Chef’ for no reason

God

@god 

shut up demon

Shane Madej [ ✓]

@mrmadejbabyyy

Ill shut up when you get your verification check

Barbeque Sauce On My Tits

@xthrockmortonx

You did NOT have to come for god like that im dead

Shitfish

@bxtchspaghetti

Gonna need some ice for that burn

MaryJoana

@42069forthesoul replying to @chefsbergara

This is the kind of content I’m here for

[Picture Description: The above conversation]

Shitfish

@bxtchspaghetti replying to @chefsbergara

The 8th is a saturday, thank you so much ;-; 

Madame Mothwoman

@simpforbergara replying to @chefsbergara

Im gonna be so fucking hungry watching this go down

Cant wait to find out what Ryan will do

Heywoodjablowme

@simpformadej

You… you make me sick… 

Madame Mothwoman

@simpforbergara

How dare you come onto MY reply

with your SIMP for SHANE AGENDA

Heywoodjablowme

@simpformadej

What are you gonna do about it, pussy e_e

BTS Army for life

@v_v.jungkookgang replying to @chefsbergara

I love Ryan but,,, Shane is called The Hades Chef,,, hot btw,,,

and Ryan has no nickname,,,

Shane Madej  [ ✓]

@mrmadejbabyyy

Yes he does, why do you think I always call him baby

Y4NKEEWN0BR1M

@fourthreetwofuckyou

You call everyone baby

Shane Madej  [ ✓]

@mrmadejbabyyy

Yes but the amount of babyface

Y4NKEEWN0BR1M

@fourthreetwofuckyou

True, true…

Ryan Bergara  [ ✓]

@chefsbergara

That’s because I don’t need one to intimidate my

opponents 

Also don’t call me the Baby Chef

That makes it sound like I cook babies for a living

Shane Madej  [ ✓]

@mrmadejbabyyy

I do what I want

  
  


Shane hit reply and then threw his phone onto the cushion next to him, groaning loudly. “Ryaaaaannnnnn, why did we have to make them wait a week and a half? Now we have to wait a week and a half. I just want to get the news out already!”

Ryan laughed up at his now-fiance, head tucked into the crook of Shane’s neck. “It was your choice, big guy,” he said and pressed a kiss to Shane’s jaw. 

“I know,” he whined and sunk into the couch and yawned. “What are we gonna eat tonight?”

“Pizza.”

“We are Michelin star holding chefs.”

“I want pizza.”

Shane laughed at Ryan’s stubbornness. “Okay,” he said and then reached across the couch to grab his discarded phone, trying his best to keep Ryan from falling out of his lap as he went. He failed and Ryan fell off the couch and onto the floor, thus triggering a bout of hysterics from the both of them. 

When they were done, Ryan climbed back onto the couch and made a burrito of himself and his blanket. (“No, you can’t join me, Shane,” he’d said, foot pushing Shane away when he tried to wiggle into it with him to which Shane grabbed his foot and whispered, "Your feet are mine..." and tickled Ryan. Ryan screeched incoherently in response.) Once Shane made the call for pizza to be delivered to their apartment, they turned on the TV to have a movie marathon.

Later, in the middle of “Hereditary”, Shane asked, “Do you think they’ll ever figure out that we’ve been leaving replies with our burner accounts?”

Around a mouthful of pizza, Ryan uttered a no and they went back to watching movies, eventually falling asleep on top of each other, darkness blanketing the rest of their apartment.

**Author's Note:**

> Im back at it again with the social media AU's.
> 
> This time, it's cooks. Not a continuation to Flower Crowns & Photographs unfortunately, and not as lengthy, but I hope yall enjoyed. I started this on a whim tbh bc I've kind of got writers block (and of course, I'm procrastinating on HW again.)
> 
> Again, hope yall enjoyed. My skin and organs are boiling as we speak.
> 
> ### AGAIN, if you read this on MOBILE and the format was fucked up, im sorry. As a fellow mobile reader, i apologize 😔 i’d hate me too 


End file.
